Alright, ladies and gentlemen, today we’re going to talk about a certain trend that I’ve been seeing everywhere: the cold shoulder. So sit back, buckle your seat belts, and keep your hands and feet in the car at all times, because this may be a wild ride.
Just so we’re clear, this post is not about the lovely, beach-ready off the shoulder tops and dresses. I don’t have a problem with these pieces! I actually quite like the Bardot-style top. No, this problem is between me and the cold shoulder. The peek-a-boo shoulder, if you will.
The cold shoulder is a trend that started to emerge in the mass market during the last Fall/Winter season. Back then, I wasn’t mad at it. I didn’t buy into the trend, but I respected it. Thought it was even kind of cute! Now it haunts my nightmares.
You might be wondering why I have such a vendetta against these cold shoulder tops, and I’ll tell you why. They just don’t make any sense. What is the point of snipping holes where the shoulder fabric should be? For ~FaShIoN~? I’ll tell you what’s fashionable: shoulders that are the same temperature as the rest of your body!
Cold shoulder styles come in a variety of different species, but there are TWO styles that I’m here to talk about today.
A. Classic cold weather garb sans shoulders
If y’all want your t-shirts to be without shoulders, then fine. Do what you want to do! But it’s a total different thing when it’s the dead of winter and you’re choosing to reveal a portion of your body to the elements. Perhaps this distaste comes from my body running cold, but I would like to hear people’s defense of the following garments:
Imagine it’s a brisk fall day. You look at the temperature before you get dressed: 49 degrees and partly cloudy. Rad! You’re going to go without a jacket today. You pull on your new cold shoulder sweater, skinny jeans, and boots. You head out the door and after a couple minutes of walking, you feel a chill. You forgot to check the wind speed, and it’s hella windy. Like open-an-umbrella-and-make-like-Mary-Poppins windy. the large holes in your sweater exposing your shoulders are letting in all sorts of cold air, and you deeply regret this decision.
You have a tank top with the cutest print ever! The only bad part is that your manager values modesty in the workplace. You respect your manager, but don’t have time to change, so you quickly grab a cardigan out of your closet and run out the door. You pull into the parking lot at work and go to put on the cardigan, only to realize you grabbed the wrong one. Now you have to hide from your boss until you have time to go home and change on your lunch break. Best of luck to you!
Fact: The main function of a jacket is to keep someone warm. After that, it’s up to the designer to make it fashionable. If the designer chooses to, I don’t know, take away the shoulders, it totally renders the function of the garment useless.
The only way I can see a cold shoulder jacket work is for the times when your mom tells you to put on a coat. You say, “Nah, Mom. I’m fine without one!” She won’t take no for an answer, even though you tell her you’re an adult and willing to take the risk of getting a cold. After a mild stare down, you give in and fetch your cold shoulder jacket. Your mom sputters because your shoulders are still uncovered, but, “Hey, it’s a jacket.”
Okay, now I kind of want one.
B. The one that doesn’t quite meet dress code
This is the take on the trend that inspired this post, to be completely honest. I’ve been on the look out for nice tops that I can wear to work, and the dress code advises against bare shoulders. Almost every shirt that isn’t a plain old button up has the cold shoulder cut outs. Can you see why I’m a bit frustrated? All I’m asking for is to be able to shop for business casual clothes without battling the trend of the season.
I hope everyone knows that this is 95% satire! I’m all for people buying into whatever trends they like, and I’m at no place to judge. Just know that you won’t ever see me walking around showing my shoulders to the world. Unless I’m wearing a regular tank top, that is.
What are your opinions on the cold shoulder trend? Are you sick of it? Are you all for it? I want to hear your opinions!
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